


learn to love to be loved

by omoxuixui (koolemiahmed)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, High School, Just alot of fluff, Kim Jongdae | Chen is a Little Shit, Love Triangles, M/M, No Smut, and I love them both, feeeeeeels, xiumin is a fluff bun that should be protected at all costs, xiumin really loves lu han
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koolemiahmed/pseuds/omoxuixui
Summary: xiumin hates chineese and rosy cheeks and annoying gigglesbut what he hates the most is the new exchange student that make his heart beat and his body react as if he was a 12 year old teenager .and their relationship is a blossom in spring but the world they live in knows nothing but winterwill they survive , will their relationship over come what ever there is ???





	1. je comprends

**Author's Note:**

> forever hoe , my dear bros and have you seen kai and baeekhyun teasers because i am dead and i need to fangirl and i do not know anyone and it sucks and dear fucking christ is baekhyun hot . i have not listened to the album but i can tell you it has all the bops

1.  
Phycologicly they say that if someone is very uptight all the time then he or she needs to open up, to love more, Xuimin doesn’t believe he is uptight he also doesn’t believe in emotions and irrational ideas just like art, just like Luhan  
Xuimin was very organized, he almost had everything planned out most of the time but what he didn’t account for was the arrival of a Chinese exchange student at his school .Xuimin had his whole life planned out, his college, his subjects, his projects,his realistic dreams , everything was in order but to achieve that he had to let the cold blanket of reality to consume him and completely hide him away from his irrational dreams. He wanted to be a singer a dancer, something that was along these lines, but honestly he let go of these dreams way long ago when he sat with his carrer guidance who exlained that singing and acting did not give you good bread by the end of the month and xuimin wanted to cry because realisticly he liked things organized but he also likes them organized in his own way , his futer did not look like it was anywhere near his and so as the smart bean he is he decided to work on ones were he had the chance of actually achieving them for example working really hard in school to go to medical school 

He wasn’t part of the cool kids, he was too strict and smart for that. apparently having most subjects in honors is being too smart .neither was he a loser he was on the football team he had two friends who could kick asses if someone crossed him in addition to the fact that he is the strongest guy in school he beat all of them in hand wrestling but in saying that he didn’t own a fancy car or is very rich or hangs out in the cool parties or sleeps with she and he everywhere and anywhere he was what they call it a sound kid 

therefore Xuimin had a rule : never interfere with the “cool kids “ , steer away from them , so they would not have a reason to mess with you ,that is until a reason has arisen  
As soon as the Chinese boy entered Xuimin knew he would get bullied, the boy more or less looked like a pretty doll, a pretty girl doll. He looked exotic and completely out of place almost too beautiful to believe that the mind is not playing tricks on you. This is exactly why the cool kids –or so they think – honestly Xuimin only saw stupidity in them. Had more than one reason to make fun of him  
The first hit is your only chance , dodge it and stand up for yourself and the other kids will probably not mess with you for a while well at least until you are comfortable enough to stand your ground at a fight against them .  
Xuimin did not intend to stand up for him but he did, we intend not to do a lot of things but we do  
We also intend not to break our sacred ruled but we do, sometimes for good, sometimes out of nessicity, Xuimin likes to describe this nessicity although his heart still preaches it as fate  
unfortunaly though his luck was never really on his side for three days later The Chinese doll showed some beefs to some guys, and now he became one of them, Xuimin could not care less that was how things worked in high school scare others before they scare you and once you are under someone wing no one really can mess you without messing with the rest of the squad there was a sort of tranquility in that idea but also problems, the fact that school now consist of little cliques.  
Therefore Xuimin abid any communication with the boy and the Chinese doll saw no opportunity to speak to Xuimin .both did not want trouble, but you do not always get what you want.  
Xuimin did not intend on watching the pink haired boy laugh with his skinny frail arms, he did not intend to enjoy listening to fluent Chinese in their Chinese class  
He could not help but imagine the tall skinny beauty as a fierce warrior with his strong yet gentle flow of words. He never thought in a million years that he would actually study for his Chinese test or that he would finally notice that that weird Chinese teachers name was ganuk o’bran and not gob – although she looked like one - . 

Xuimin hated Chinese  
But what he hated the most is that soft gasp the Chinese doll did whenever someone or something (do not ask, but one of the seniors threw and apple at him and it hit his throat instead of it being directed to his hands, that senior is also on our schools basketball team, some things in this school are just plain weird)  
But apart from that what he hates the most is how the Chinese prince came up to him and in a gentle voice thanked him for his help and because of that ever since then Xuimin has been dying to learn about him , to talk to him , to learn his name  
Why is it so hard to learn the name of this exchange dream?  
That absurd angle in his abnormal beauty, that provocative knight that made Xuimin feels more alive than ever.  
Luhan  
Luhan he learned his name later on, and when dear Luhan left, he spent every night whispering it to his pillow, hoping something would come back.  
But Luhan and only Luhan was the one forever gone  
So Xuimin because he is Xuimin later on learning he is actually gentle and soft hearted fell down the dark abyss of emptiness.  
Xuimin now understands and so he learns


	2. wanna try to ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are hard but xuimin is an a student in all he does , even his first impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is a short chapter i am so sorry

2.  
Xuimin got to meet Luhan more privately in a very ordinary way; it was not luck or accidents, just pretty normal actually, just like how Xuimin loved football. China’s pride did too. Xuimin loved football and he wasn’t gonna let some weakling and his oh so cool friends ruin that   
There first few words after the   
“Thank you for helping me out “in the corridor two days ago   
Were actually not as you expecting. Xuimin did not like surprises , and he certainly did not like things that do not make sense like the feeling he was harboring for the person in front of him ,can he even call them feelings he does not know this abnormally beautiful and hot –have you seen his thighs- guy .  
The words were very snobbish , not a smell of hospitality , it was all bickering fire and a contest of who could hold their noses higher which seemed ridiculous as Xuimin looked like a squirrel hanging from the butcher’s window , while Luhan looked like he was ready to fight with his skinny wimpy arms . That being said Luhan could not even see Xuimin as he was too short to be in his line of vision   
But the snow melts and autumn falls. It was an act of kindness from Luhan that sparked things on. As much as Xuimin would have liked it to be, someone had to make the initial move. And it was Luhan always Luhan.  
And to this day it hurts Xuimin that he was so snobbish and perfect that he could not be the better of both of them, it was always Luhan that had to bend –sexual joke aside – Luhan was always the one to be kinder, to be nicer.   
Therefore it was Luhan that inspired Xuimin to step by step also become nicer and kinder   
Luhan was hectate –the Greek goddess of witchcraft -. He was -and Xuimin truly believed there was no other way to explain what was happening to him- bewitched by Luhan in everything.  
In his dreams, in his wakes but most importantly: he was the reason Xuimin now knows about a certain emotion, and because it hurts so much. he is not too sure if in the first place he wanted to .


	3. complications in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xuimin comes face to face with sme complications and it should make things worse but it alows things to become better

There were slight complications to xuimin’s plans , Luhan was good at football , Luhan was nice ,the kind doll’s eyes always sparked when he cared , his skin shone with light wherever he used to go and Xuimin could not believe he started to rhyme things with his name while stabbing the side of the chair with his toe .  
His mom saw it and perhaps it was the hatred in his mom’s eyes that led to this or maybe Xuimin just is continuously looking for excuses for his cowardice.  
But back then Xuimin was naïve, he thought it was hatred but he could not see the truth behind her eyes, it was fear.   
She saw the way Luhan always made Xuimin excited , how that although Xuimin hated the cold , he abid the car ride to practice adieu just to walk with Luhan to football   
“Because, mom Luhan does not know the way “Xuimin whined to his mom   
But most importantly she sensed all the anger that was in him disappear , she saw how he no longer shouted when things went wrong or demanded what he wanted   
She saw the selfless nights he spend talking on the phone with lu because china was very far away from south Korea , and even angles get home sick .  
She knew he hated communicating outside school hours. But he prioritized his china blessing more.  
She saw him starting to care when Luhan cried or that one time that bully tried to hurt him and Xuimin spent the whole day cuddling in the living room with him and ordering bubble tea   
“Mom I love bubble tea is it okay if I run downtown quickly and get some more “  
She knew that a) he didn’t like bubble tea and b) he drank none of them   
But she saw her child grow and what better sight is there for a mom to see, so she gave him the money anyway   
To tell the truth she was afraid because her only experience in love left nothing but a burn right in her heart. But his mom was growing old and forgetful.  
She also forgot what Xuimin was to her, he was a blessing, the best thing about love


	4. drinks for tow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one part one hella of a night but tow aganist the world

4\.   
Xuimin was not looking where he was going; he was so organized and perfect that almost always he forgot to look for other things around, to pay attention, to the little disruptions that could ruin his plans   
So you could say that when he saw the porcelain skilled doll in a black eye liner and rosy pink cheeks laced with bold red lips , it all hit him harder than puberty does to most teenagers , the Chinese boy in Xumin’s eyes was worth more than gold , with his leather pants and a sheer red knitted sweat shirt .  
Lying is a sin so he would not be lying when he admitted that every three seconds he would do nothing but sneak a peek at Luhan free nipples   
He kept hoping to god that he could rip off that shirt and sees it all for himself, god he felt like one of those assholes that only stared at a girl because of her boobs but god he could not help but wonder how that soft complexion would feel under his hands   
Xuimin was horrified , he could not believe that for the 1st time after his horrendous puberty years when he was like 12 or 13 , he was turned on like maximum speed turned on , he was turned on to the point that his dick was standing up parallel to his stomach that he didn’t really need to tuck it in anywhere .  
Well at least one thing is straight   
But that was not the worst bit, Luhan apparently noticed, china’s snow flake made a joke about it before they went home   
“What are you getting so worked up for “he giggled   
If it was anyone Xuimin would have been furious, infuriated, humiliated. But this was Luhan   
“Nothing little lulu would understand “Xuimin replied  
“I will let you know little lulu is not small “  
Xuimin could not help but laugh he found it amusing that Luhan would call himself lulu   
“You are small, you are younger than me “Xuimin said dead serious   
And perhaps that is what broke Luhan, he could not handle it anymore, Xuimin always treated him like this, like a little brother, and he always dismissed Luhan off along with his feelings towards him, making him unsure of the depth of those emotions and their credibility   
But Luhan could feel it and if not then it would be better than this road that is coming from nowhere and with this pace going nowhere of course.  
Luhan loved his little baozi (okay he needs to stop calling him all these names), he loved him when he called him lulu although he loathed it when someone else –apart from his mom because what godly power does anyone have against their mom? – call him that.  
In fact Luhan only dressed up for him, but he knew that it wasn’t him that Xuimin was so worked up for, Xuimin is so cool and hot and perfect, he was the only one that did not underestimate him or care only because of his looks and most importantly did not use him for his own benefits (like most of the guys he dated)  
So Luhan was oblivion but it is fair to say that Xuimin was the king of oblivious, like duh  
And Luhan weighed out the situation he was so sure that it would not be possible. That it would only be him falling in love, there was no way, no way at all that both of them would walk through this in tow


	5. turns out science is worse than chineese with all its bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and cheers a kisss from you to me , how wonderfull of us to be

5.  
Luhan had kissed him and Xuimin could tell you exactly what has happened that day he knows it better than he knows his birthday, heck he knows it better than he knows his own name   
Xuimin was appalled, how could he not, his breath smelled like meat balls that he had just had for dinner, his lips were broken and Luhan will probably break the kiss and spit on him   
Honestly he would spit on himself   
Xuimin smelled lavender, tasted cherry and his eyes saw magic, his body felt a tinge of happiness and a constant happy beat in his ears that he almost felt like he would burst. It goes without saying he now understood what the French meant by la vie en rose as he was living It right now.  
Spring was beautiful and Xuimin took in science class about bees pollinating flowers and he could not help but wonder how that was him and Luhan , he was the bees and Luhan was the flower , always giving nectar , sweet scent , nice color , you name it Luhan always gives .   
And Luhan would go on and on telling him that he also took that it was not true that only Xuimin took cuz in the end the relationship between the bee and the flower is mutual symbiosis.  
Which was the pillar of why Xuimin and Luhan relationships were so successful, their relationship was not abusive but it was a harmony of give what you want and take what you need   
But there perhaps was an aspect of the relationship that Luhan did not like the tough picture Xuimin put on, the fact that he always pretended that he did not need Luhan when in reality no one can give him nectar as sweet as the one Luhan gives him   
And yes their relationship was healthy but the world they lived in was abusive  
Xuimin was spending the last two days doing nothing but preparations for his little lulu in a hall he rented out , Kim jongdae who was the host of Luhan was helping him with the preparation Kim jongdae was called chen because he was the ‘star’ of the school regardless of whether he was or wasn’t .  
Luhan was the only star Xuimin could ever look out for   
Today was the last day for preparation and they were outside the hall, chen was funny and cute but he was not Luhan so when he thought it would be okay to dip in to peek at Xumin’s lips, he did not understand that it was not okay at all, chen felt nothing like Luhan, chen did not gasp whenever something touched his neck, chen cheeks did not go rosy after every kiss they shared and chen did not call himself lulu  
Xuimin could not help but think he would be a very ugly lulu  
Simply put Chen was not Luhan. The last thing he remembers that day before leaving was what he saw after the kiss   
“Careful Xuimin it is a bee “


	6. the thing he truely loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love you , and you love me , we are a big happy family !! that is what family does right ??  
> breaking heart since 1856

6.  
He wish it had stung him heck he wish a million billion bees had stuck him at that moment   
Any pain except the one he was feeling right now , any pain except the dampness of the fragile tears running down the lengths of soft pure cheeks , any pain than the one that is plainly painted on the face of the deer in front of him , a deer indeed , he looked like he was caught in a headlight   
Xuimin called and texted and it was not the fact they had a fight that ended it but it was actually the lack of one   
Luhan ignored him and pretended he did not exist, not too long and he was transferred to another Chinese class as he was trying all the subjects as an exchange student, Xuimin then realized that the only other thing they had in common was soccer.  
Which Luhan had also stopped doing, Xuimin does not know how but now he hates soccer   
So Xuimin decided to take a step and try and talk to him , he cornered him in the bathroom right before lunch ended , Luhan just would not talk to him otherwise always finding a way to ignore him or simply answer with short replies   
And it was then that Luhan said the meanest words that until now gnaw at his heart viciously “I never wanna see you again, you liar, do not pretend shit did not happened, Chen told me everything “  
And Luhan just would not listen; the plain truth is everything was a lie   
But even great empires have their flaws and downfalls , Xuimin could not help but think how that that was the exact reason why he did not like things that are not expected ,because they never went the way he wanted them to   
Xuimin saw how that everything he savored crumbled in front of him like a sand castle built on the beach , Xuimin should have known the waves were in store for him , cuz unexpected things end in unexpected ways   
Xuimin was so angry he was so hopelessly devasted and sad, so he was angry but he was not angry at Luhan or Chen or at the universe but for the first time he was angry at himself, at losing the only thing worth anything   
Xuimin then let the days pass, and he allowed himself to drown in the ever flowing flow of the humdrum life .Luhan had his birthday, Chen made sure that happened.  
While Xuimin had cowardly decided not to go, he was not sure which he was afraid of the confrontation with Luhan about what happened or the confrontation with himself that he truly changed and has now loved another human being.  
He should not feel guilty with Luhan, he did not initiate the contact but perhaps he had enjoyed the way Chen eyed him .although Xuimin would have never started anything as he did not feel anything –and he would not have been brave enough- he should have seen this coming   
And it came to the day when Luhan was leaving; he knew it was the day because he continuously dreaded it. Back then because he would be losing the boy of his dreams but now because he knows he will be losing the only thing that salivated him, the only thing that he truly loved.


	7. learn to love to be loved (just like all the last words of each chapter )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are spring and everyone knows only winter , but winter melts and there is always spring sometimes dry but it is always there , always beautiful always right even with overdue work assigments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check the last word of each chapter and put it in the sentence , and do not forget love always conquers anything else

6.  
It was the last day of school, the world was spinning around and the heat was unbearing, I felt a little grateful as I got to miss a couple of weeks of school this year spending it in green land with my mom.  
She never said it but we both know the reason she decided we do that spontaneously she saw the interduction of a lack of something in my life.  
All the years with state examination where getting their annuals signed, for me I would not have seen the point. It is not like I had a lot of friends. What I did have however is a lot of assignments to hand up, the only thing I hate more than work, is overdue work .it is enough having work nagging at me   
“Mr.goremil, here is the English essay due for like a month now, sorry I was on holidays “I speak   
Mr.goremil understood what it is like to feel unable certain days, to simply feel overdue yourself. I think it is people like Mr.goremil that almost always keep me going , not like his sternness like msr.cornfeild or his patience like mr.norway but it was his faith in each and every single one of us .it was the way his eye lit up when he looked at me , just like a certain someone .  
It is so hard to move on, when every single thing gesture, move and accidental discovery bring it back to him   
Sometimes I find it hard to actually believe that anything is real, because why everything that is real is is so painful, like a crake in a true stone wall that keeps cracking time by time due to natural elements.  
Down the hallway I go, to Mrs. …….  
I stop in my tracks is that the sound of sniffing like someone crying   
It is coming from the lockers oh god what if someone is in trouble , one time a boy was stuck in the locker for a good 2 days until someone found him .  
And I expect a lot a lot of things run in my mind but again reality struck at a whimpering cord in my heart as I spin around and see the source of my distraught   
And I sincerely was not expecting that cute ball of hair, those skinny frail arms trying to slouch his backpack over his boney back; his wide low cut t-shirt that shows his sculpted bones.  
And although I was behind him , I knew it was him , I can see exactly how he looks , I have seen it so many times . And I ….  
He looks behind at me and his eyes widened “oh I am so sorry, I did not mean this sorry “as apologizes spill out of his mouth like a fountain, I can’t help but smile gently so typical of him to apologize for nothing, he always did that.  
Do a mistake politely better than doing right rudely   
“No it is okay “typical replay from me “are u okay “I say, it takes me by surprise I usually do not care and even when I do not have the guts to take the 1st step. But the air is different and he has made me different   
“oh yeah super “ he smiles it is so fake I could see behind it he was always pretending for the sake of others and that made me really angry how could he be so selfless and cruel to me at the same time   
And I wanted to shout, to scream why he cannot see that I still care  
And until today I am proud of letting go of my calculations and just   
Just...  
‘Your eyes are still red come here I will blow on them so they go back to their natural colors “  
And he comes near me and again I smell lavender and again I see magic   
I blow at him and it is impossibly hard to keep my hands of his waist when he is so close to me   
He lets out a stiffen laugh “what are you doing” he laughs at me “does that even work you silly “  
“No “I say dead seriously “but it gets me close enough to you “and it hurts me I want to add  
‘I am kay really “he almost hiccups   
“You promised you would go on an actual date with me to a fancy restaurant if I get an a in Chinese “I let out abruptly  
He looks confused   
“Therefore u owe me a date cuz guess who got an a “I said with jazzy hand and a wide stance and big smile   
He looked at me as if I have just grown a third arm and a head out of my butt   
“U looks ridiculous “he giggled   
“Yeah I should probably leave the enthusiastic aspect of our relationship to you “I smiled  
“What relationship “he said sadly, I can see the tears forming again  
“the one where little lulu knows more than he did that night at the party “I said as I took longer steps towards him “the one that I am not letting go because I remembered how happy it made me because it made you happy, you do not even know how pissed of I am at whoever is making you cry so much, I feel like I am gonna explode, I will murder them if I have to “  
Before I know it I have cornered him to the wall of the locker with my fist beside his shoulder. Although I am intimidating I can’t help but notice that I am still shorter than him and he looks scared and omg what have I done?   
“ I am sorry , I ..i …this ..ummm it is it is it is not really …what I intended …..this was a mistake , I am “  
He grabs my arm and pushes me close  
“I have let it go Xuimin “he looks sad, I feel sad “this wont work I am leaving later on today to china and I might never come back “   
“But let me explain I did not “  
“I know what happened “he interrupted me “I just had a talk with Chen and he told me I was worthless for not wanting to be with him and that you were not even a good kiss “   
He laughed maciuosly “me and you both spent the last 2 months breaking our relationship because of an asshole , yeah and well done about that slap it seemed to have hurt him pretty bad as he is furious every time he talks about it seems to have really craved a print in his memories , a really nasty one “  
He came really close to me then and wrapped his arms around my body and it felt like being smothered by velvet   
He proceeded to kissing my forehead , my cheek , my nose and I close my eyes as I feel love pour out of them all the anger trapped in my body being released and all the hatred turning into love   
“This was not a mistake xui “he whispers against my lips” fuckin hell was this the best thing I had, Xuimin look at me “  
And I do look at him as yet another tear stain my cheeks  
“don’t cry this is not the end of it beside it is my fault for not listening to you , for hearing your side of the story ,I was selfish I am sorry but now I know and there is no doubt “  
He smiled   
He smiled   
He smiled so brightly and I wanted to tell the sun to be shameful of it.  
“I love you Xuimin “he says holding my hands as the sun rays hit his fluff brown hair that was once pink and as the lockers let out that disgusting smell of yours but we could be standing in the middle of a stink hole in a landfill and my heart would still be doing this thing where it is racing too fast and almost giving me a heart attack.  
And so I do what he taught me to do   
I …..  
Learn to love to be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Todro tro tro yaaaaaaaaaaay there we are done with this hope you guys like it. I like to think they will meet on later in their life or maybe something will happen or idk maybe I will add more chapters but for now this is it   
> Ps what was more nice the first person or the third person narration of the story   
> And thank you if u has actually given time to read this. Really appreciated and leave comments they are the best to read even if they are mean. I actually love mean comments don’t know why but find most of them hilarious . not sounding desperate or anything   
> May peace be upon you lads


End file.
